Just to make something perfectly clear, I have no intention at all for settling into ignoring the glaring truth that I am too fat.  I won’t be surrendering my being to the unneeded stress of excessive fat.  There will be a before and after, something  to sandwhich this moment between.  The war, the peace treaty and the new world order.  What I have now is a new hope, and it all started the moment Idecided to step back and observe.  An honest accounting of my history, and to finally accept that I have been fighting a battle that I was destined to lose.  I was going against the wisdom of my body.  No matter how hard I fought, my body would always win out and return to it’s own status quo.  Some people would call this a set point.  A return to a certain weight.  A stubborn resisitence to move in any direction.  The number would get bigger and bigger as time marched on.  Each time I would loss weight, I would gain it all back plus ten more pounds.  Well that’s how it all would happen.  I would go on a diet, lose five to ten pounds, and then quit losing weight. The worst of it all was that I would diet down five. 

Over the years, the weight continued to pile on.  I can remember my first set point being 127 pounds, but it wasn’t long, say in my early twenties that it crept up to 150 pounds.  That was the number I could not break.  So it is that today, after years of starving myself, and being generally vigilant about the fat, I weighed in at the doctors office at 177 pounds.  For the first time ever, I didn’t kick off my shoes to step on the scales.  I didn’t even moan to the all too tiny woman who recorded the number.  It was just another number that only carried the meaning that I was willing to attach to it.  I made the appointment for my routine check up.  I resisted the temptation to ask what I weighed the last time.  I don’t even want to know anymore.  I wasn’t there to be judged for my weight.  I was there to take care of my body.