Never give up…

June 21, 2009 at 3:24 am · Filed under Dieting, Fasting, Weight Control, Weight Loss and tagged: belly fat, body image, Dieting, Fasting, fat, high protein, low calorie, low carbohydrate, meditation, metabolism, obesity, overweight, self esteem, self hypnosis, Weight Control, Weight Loss, yo yo dieting

Just to make something perfectly clear, I have no intention at all for settling into ignoring the glaring truth that I am too fat.  I refuse to surrender my being to the unneeded stress of excessive fat.  There will be a before and after, something  to sandwhich this moment between.  The war, the peace treaty and the new world order.  What I have now is a new hope, and it all started the moment Idecided to step back and observe.  An honest accounting of my history, and to finally accept that I have been fighting a battle that I was destined to lose.  I was going against the wisdom of my body.  No matter how hard I fought, my body would always win out and return to it’s own status quo.  Some people would call this a set point.  A return to a certain weight.  A stubborn resisitence to move in any direction.  The number would get bigger and bigger as time marched on.  Each time I would loss weight, I would gain it all back plus ten more pounds.  Well that’s how it all would happen.  I would go on a diet, lose five to ten pounds, and then quit losing weight. The worst of it all was that I would diet down five. 

Over the years, the weight continued to pile on.  I can remember my first set point being 127 pounds, but it wasn’t long, say in my early twenties that it crept up to 150 pounds.  That was the number I could not break.  So it is that today, after years of starving myself, and being generally vigilant about the fat, I weighed in at the doctors office at 177 pounds.  For the first time ever, I didn’t kick off my shoes to step on the scales.  I didn’t even moan to the all too tiny woman who recorded the number.  It was just another number that only carried the meaning that I was willing to attach to it.  I made the appointment for my routine check up.  I resisted the temptation to ask what I weighed the last time.  I don’t even want to know anymore.  I wasn’t there to be judged for my weight.  I was there to take care of my body.

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